(Yay Bear (who's sitting next to me now) would like to warn all you teddy bear-lovers to stay away from this narrative.)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Let me first categorically state one thing. It wasn't me.

It was the teddy bear. Yes sir, you can laugh! An inanimate object - a harmless soft toy - did that to him? Impossible!

Let me tell you this, though: that is no ordinary teddy bear. You guys know nothing.

You want me to tell you what happened? Sure. I have all the time in the world now.

--

I suppose I'll have to start by explaining how I got the bear. Teddy - that's his name, but I'm sure you would have run a background check on him by now - gave him to me when he proposed.

"I don't need another bear, remember?" I said, though I was secretly rather thrilled. "I have Mandy already. But since like you, he has such a sweet smile...hmm, I'll name him Teddy after you."

So the teddy Teddy gave me was christened, well, Teddy. I loved both of them - Teddy Boy and Teddy Bear.

At least, until I found Teddy (Boy) in a liplock with my best friend in his apartment.

Maybe he shouldn't have given me the key. Or maybe I really should have knocked. Either way, they got together, and Teddy told me we were never meant to be, and that he'd found his true love, but that they still had me to thank for bringing them together, and could I wish them happiness?

I stayed out late that night, I suppose. I didn't want to go home and face an empty apartment and sit on the sofa and eat Doritos and chocolate ice-cream while moping around. Only weak girls do that. I am not a weak girl.

But when I did return, guess who should greet me almost at the door in my own apartment? Teddy and Mandy were seated close together, their furry brown heads almost-but-not-quite-touching, and they were smiling mockingly at me.

I nearly lost it then. How could Teddy do that to me? Mandy was my favourite bear! First my best friend, then Mandy?

But I am a very calm person, so I separated them and put Mandy on the other side of the room. Then I built Teddy a sturdy prison cell with walls made out of about a hundred copies of the Encyclopedia Brittanica and a door made from metal chopsticks for bars, so he could see, but not touch Mandy. (Ha, that'd teach him to mess around with my friend and bear.)

I couldn't bear to see my Teddy locked up like that, though. So I let him out the next morning and put him back next to Mandy, but I made them swear they weren't, you know, committing any acts of betrayal against me the night before. Then I breakfasted and went to work whistling.

When I reached the office, I figured I'd need a pick-me-up in the form of coffee or something, so I swung into the pantry and for the second time in two days found Teddy and my best friend practically glued to each other.

I went ballistic. Can you blame me for doing so? "I thought you'd promised me you weren't together," I screamed at them. "You said you hadn't done anything to let me down. That's why I let you out, right? You lied to me, both of you!"

"What do you mean, let me - " Teddy blubbered, but I'd had enough of his lies. He'd promised, and now he was faking amnesia! I stormed out of the office and ran home crying.

But if I thought I could escape him, I was wrong. He and Mandy grinned even more evilly when he saw me, and their eyes sparkled with the joy of new love - the love he'd cruelly denied me just a few hours before.

This is it, I told him. You've had enough chances already. I grabbed him and pulled off the arm he'd draped around Mandy Bear. It felt good, so I cut the stitches of the other one. Then his left leg. And his right. Finally, when I'd rendered him limbless, I decided I'd be merciful and end his pain - and broke his soft furry head off.

But he refused to die. I could've sworn I had his stuffing strewn all around me (fine, only about half, but I was working on it - do you think it's that easy to pull stuffing out of a dead person?), when the doorbell rang and who else but Teddy himself should stand in front of my apartment.

He was saying something about wanting his engagement ring back, but I wasn't listening. How could this have happened? I'd just killed him! He couldn't possibly be standing in my doorway, but there he was. That incorrigible two-timer refused to die, huh? Well, I'd bludgeon him good and proper this time. Pull out his remaining stuffing and let Mandy Bear watch.

--

So that's what I was doing when your officers burst in, sir. I was just finishing what I'd set out to do. Is it so wrong to be a perfectionist? I couldn't possibly leave the job half done, could I? I'd wanted to kill him, but that darned teddy bear was still alive! At least now I can sleep tight in my cell, knowing that he's properly dead - considering the fact that you've got me in here for murder.

I can't be mad, sir. I am not a weak girl. Only weak girls lose it when their men dump them. Strong girls get their revenge. Right? Right? Hey, don't leave me here! I still need to fix that promise-breaker, Mandy...

(Alt text: Since the goatee, glasses and Seltzer & Friedberg DVD collection didn't tip you off, there will be a $20 negligence charge for this service.)

WARNING: THIS POST IS GOING TO BE BORING BECAUSE IT IS DEDICATED TO HANNAH. JUST SO YOU KNOW, GUYS. DON'T BOTHER READING IT.

...okay now that's done and over with.

Hello Hannah! Since you said that none of us (Yeow, Lim and I) posted anything about you recently, I suppose this means we'll have to do it. Post, I mean.

I assume this is something about your birthday, which is next Friday 31st September or something. (Non-existent birthdays are for non-existent people.)

Well, you see, I really wanted to get you a birthday present. But I couldn't decide between a nice gift which would be utterly inappropriate (a card saying "Happy birthday, ______! I love you!") or one which would slap you with the brutal tell the truth. (eg. A Growth Progress height chart).

So since I couldn't decide, I decided to give you nothing at all. Oh well. Sucks to be you.

I hope you enjoyed this delightful birthday post. If you want, I'll write you a few more next time. (:

With much love,
Crystal

Ohoh I forgot to blog about this.

Okay yesterday Kinnari, Nanthini, Rachel (Yo), Denise, Xinyuan, Vic and I went out for brunch at Ion Orchard after lessons ended.

So we all bought food (aww the 3 vegetarians had a grand total of 2 stalls to choose from - Indian or yong tau foo HAHA but anyway even the meat eaters overwhelmingly opted for yong tau foo, for some strange reason) and sat down to eat.

As we were talking (not whispering, but just normal volumes), we saw this guy from the next table staring at our party suspiciously.

Then he walked past our table, turned around and walked back while staring down (note that he had this I Am Trying To Be Surreptitious look on his face) at our nametags and whatnot.

It was SO HILARIOUS HAHAHAHA. So Rachel was like "all you stupid people take off your nametags la", which we did but it was probably too late for us to escape the clutches (or eyes) of Mr Sneaky.

So I guess we'll be reported to the school for "going out to lunch during school hours", which incidentally happens to be perfectly legal since it's Options period -.- I hope he calls the school and gets laughed at. That'll teach him to mind his own business and stop spying on innocent schoolgirls eating lunch.

--

Unfortunately, Xinyuan also pointed out that should he STOMP us, our reputations (or rather, our school's, since we wouldn't get into trouble but our school would) would go down the drain, seeing as there is practically no way to refute allegations made on STOMP properly. I mean, you can clarify all you want but people won't listen. Who cares if the reporting is irresponsible if it's sensational?

Also - doesn't this say something about the reliability of a news portal any kpo person wishing to cause trouble for others can abuse? I feel bad for people who get STOMPed for no particular reason, really. Even if you didn't do it, it's like 跳进黄河也洗不清了。

Why do I feel strangely empty about Options tomorrow :/

Maybe it's the whole nothing-to-do thing but I don't feel as happy as I thought I would. And there's so much time in between.

"How is it, Shadows! that I knew ye not?
How came ye muffled in so hush a masque?
Was it a silent deep-disguised plot
To steal away, and leave without a task
My idle days? Ripe was the drowsy hour;
The blissful cloud of summer-indolence
Benumb’d my eyes; my pulse grew less and less;
Pain had no sting, and pleasure’s wreath no flower:
O, why did ye not melt, and leave my sense
Unhaunted quite of all but-nothingness?"

After denying myself access to good music/comics for the past few days weeks, being able to listen to stuff like this feels so awesome.

I feel strangely, well, light today. The loomy EYA feeling is gone.

I have Great Plans for myself during Options! On my free days (and some not-so-late days), I shall go jogging in the evening. Alternatively, if there's someone else to exercise with me, I'll do it in school.

I was jogging around my neighbourhood one evening when I realised that I actually miss running alone. Running with people is nice because companions are always good to have (thus my second greatest joy would actually be PT, but now that we're out of the unit that's no longer an option), but running alone, running fast, running for the sole pleasure of feeling the wind in your hair and the vaguely pleasurable sense of lightness - that's something I've almost forgotten, and which I fully intend to reclaim.

(Besides, I'm starting to lose the fear I had at first of getting lost while jogging around my neighbourhood. All roads in Sengkang really do lead you back to your intended destination in the end.)

Okay I feel better now.

Ho hum. Wish I could've watched the forum theatre performance that I posted about two posts ago. Sigh.

--

Also, on the issue of the IR buses, I can't figure out why they're bothering to cancel the routes. I mean, this is going to affect at least, like, fifty drivers (judging from the reports in ST). All these people will lose their jobs just because someone somewhere decided that making it slightly harder for some idiotic gamblers to lose their entire fortunes at the casino (serves them right btw who asked them to bring so much $$ to the casino) was more important than ensuring the bus drivers would be able to keep the jobs promised to them.

This is so wrong on so many levels. The routes were already approved, and everything was fine until it suddenly dawned upon them that OMG SINGAPOREANS WILL TAKE FREE SHUTTLE BUSES LEH!!!! -.- It couldn't exactly have been a new revelation, could it? If they were that worried they could have rejected the idea earlier. Now what's going to happen to the poor bus companies and drivers?

Secondly, despite all the hype about the casinos, they're a really, really tiny part of the IRs. There's other stuff to do at the IR besides gambling, in case nobody realised. People bring their kids there for some good clean family fun. And tada now they'll have no more free shuttle buses to bring them there.

I know this sounds vaguely unsympathetic towards the (possibly many) gamblers who will end up losing lots of money at the casinos, but I highly doubt not having a free shuttle bus to ride on will deter people who are determined to gamble away their fortunes at the IR. Boh free bus take SBS bus lor. Besides, if they're that stupid (or unable to control themselves) such that they can lose all their money there, I find it very hard to feel sorry for them.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable here. Had my grandpa not gambled away everything he had twenty years ago, perhaps as his granddaughter I'd be looking at a tidy sum of inheritance money by now. Yet I don't think anyone in the family doubts that it was anyone's fault but his that he's now penniless and stuck in a poky little flat, unable to enjoy his retirement. It's the same principle, really. They deserve to reap what they sow. So screw them and bring back the shuttle buses, please.

I feel sick.

Hmm. We passed out yesterday.

...Ho hum.

Okay I am relishing the opportunity to say this calmly because I was freaking out yesterday (and completely NOT in a ho-hum mood), as Audrey most diplomatically put it on her blog. Actually what really happened was that I was having a full-scale panic attack during the parade.

Thanks juniors for the parade; it was cool (: And congrats those who got promoted/got posts/grew up one year haha.

Okay I shall skip over the promotions bit because it was embarrassing, and the fact that Audrey and Verna got promoted in front of me (and were completely cool and composed about everything, unlike the person who went up next :/) did not help.

There was some pretty good food, and since yearmates didn't seem to appreciate it enough I decided to eat the last brownie for them. But guess what I got for all my efforts? *cough* SOME YEARMATES said Peilin and I were being pig-like, and I distinctly overheard SOME OTHER YEARMATE saying that "Crystal eats everything"! Sheesh! >(

Oh then we had captain's ball, which was rather fun but I ate too much before that and got a painful stitch in my side. Ah well.

Aaand then I needed to go home for physics tuition. Whee anticlimax ftw.

(This is purely a recount, yes.)

It doesn't feel like there's POP tomorrow! How odd. I just feel like I'm going to a meeting where the whole unit's going to be there and uh nothing else. How oddly - surreal, as Carey put it on FB.

Bah this is so unproductive.

I'm pretty much grounded to study the whole week (with an exception for Tuesday), but instead I've been doing chores and listening to my mum talk about how brilliant she is. In general.

(Well, it could've been worse. Her I Am So Pretty lecture can go on for more than half an hour.)

NEED TO FOCUS ON CHEM AND, LIKE, STUFF.

--

Seeing younger kids think Ariel Lin sang 孤单北半球 makes me sad. The original singer was 欧得洋! And it was only like 5-7 years ago that his version was popular :/

Aaaaah apparently my WEPmates got CIP for their work and I didn't?

What's going on man! Unless only Projects Dept people are entitled to CIP hours and Social Assistance people aren't. Hmm. Fine not that I need them but I feel oddly cheated!

LINGZHI/JIAYI WHAT'S GOING ON

Anyone still remembers the drama 阴差阳错 from way back in P5? I really want to watch it again D: