Darn, Judgment Day's tomorrow.

Today's class ACP, for me at least, consisted mostly of supporting Lidan's chair while she risked her life to put up the cellophane paper. Very daring but terrifyingly scary.

(GRAH I AM SO TOU1 TONG4. Why am I so un-understandable?! I feel like this really lousy feeling-transmitter, like I go around feeling down and attempt to tell people I'm feeling down/angry/whatever and then they think it's comical or that I'm pissed at THEM. Or anyone else, when I'm like totally not la. And then it becomes a storm in a teacup. Sheesh. I screw up my own life. Nobody understands me, literally.)

(And then when I finally find the right words to express myself, it's like 10 hours after the event and to bring it up would be dumb. I AM A SOCIAL RETARD. Am I doomed to be only able to talk to people along the same wavelength?)

Lunch was overestimation of food capacity which resulted in my trying to stuff down my lunch with limited success. Still, I had to give up one piece of chicken to Xinyuan and fries to everyone else.

Dining etiquette course was phunny. We saw Denise waddling out of the shooting range in her Stiff Suit. Then Vic and I chionged back to the room leaving Xinyuan with Denise to check out the range. Yay. The food was pretty good, but they had SO MANY COURSES and I was already very full from lunch so I was totally stuffed. Vic and Jaslyn kept singing weird songs about Phineas and some guy and giving monkeys showers. Xinyuan put pepper in her water and answered the question about Burkina Faso. Sheesh. I KNOW I could have answered that too, only maybe around 1 hour later. Sigh.

Sorry for the incoherence, I'm really depressed and feel like how I did in P6 when I had terrible moodswings and would lie in bed at night and just cry for no reason. Don't ask me why it happens. There isn't a trigger, but it doesn't stop the aching feeling or the need for release or whatever. At least I didn't cut myself or physically hurt myself anywhere then, mainly because I didn't know how to and there weren't any spare razor blades around. There still aren't any in the house now, so that cuts off ONE avenue of release. I'm not going to talk to anyone now for fear of spreading the depression around. What's wrong with me man.

Okay now the mood's lifted somewhat. Maybe I'll go write or blog. It seems to help.